A wacky day in the life of our fictional Hollywood super developer, wrapped into five minute online satire. Part of 5M Projects. Written by Rogue Saint.
It was Tuesday, 1:35pm about month ago. I watched David Rasche in, at least for me, great TV show Sledge Hammer. Somewhere in the middle of the show when Sledge started talking to his 44 Magnum (for those who watched, you know what I'm talking about) a loud knock on my door disturbed me. I was pissed.
I opened the door to face a SWAT team, lean and mean in full combat gear. There was no introduction, no hello either, just "Sir, I have an order to bring you to downtown within 15 minutes."
"What if I refuse?"
"Then I'll kidnap you."
"You can't do that..."
The SWAT leader signaled and the troops rushed at me. I had no chance. Within a minute I had my hands tied and my mouth covered.
After a quick helicopter ride, fifteen minutes later, I was pushed at the base of a downtown building. There, the SWAT team released me to the chief negotiator. He was there because a person threatened to jump of a building.
"All these writers, directors, and actors. The entire entertaining industry is making me sick. Every day I have one of them pulling this crap on me." Started the agitated chief negotiator, looking furious and yelling, exactly like Harrison Paige as Captain Trunk in Sledge Hammer.
"Without them I'd have an easy 9-5 office job. But no, with so many of them being in this town, one is surely bound to be disappointed and tie entire police force."
Then, the chief negotiator paused, looked me straight in the eyes.
"Go to the roof and take him down."
"Me?" I was perplexed. "Isn't that your job?"
"I don't give the blockbuster ideas to the writers." He responded sharply.
"Wait a minute. Who ever mentioned word BLOCKBUSTER? I give AN idea, not the BLOCKBUSTER idea. No matter how good idea may have sounded nobody can guarantee it will ever be made, let alone become a blockbuster."
"Shut up, go to the roof, and take that man down."
A few minutes later I stepped to the roof. There was you, disappointed writer, with a blank look in your eyes.
"I pitched an idea for animated movie to Pixar the other week." You started flat. "It was fresh, with new perspective to the character development. It's about villain whose super ability is to snitch on others - The RAT-MAN. I got into quarterfinals of the Screenwriters Who Become Waiters In Cracker Barrel Competition with it."
"What did they say?"
"What do you think? There isn't a single executive with a backbone to push an original idea. They threw my screenplay into trash. I saw them with my own eyes."
"It is possible that they're just not ready for the Rat-Man."
"I'm a good writer." You brushed me off. "I just need that kind of an idea. The one that will sweep into the room and conquer hearts immediately. I thought maybe you had one."
"Almost all animated movies follow similar pattern. They must appeal to parents to bring their kids to the theater. With more and more of them being made these days, that's becoming harder to do."
"You must have something." You uttered a plea.
"The only thing I have right now is Sledge Hammer episode waiting for me at home."
"Don't worry about it. How about Toto?" I responded setting you immediately for a melody with following words...
"I hear the drums echoing in tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation.."
"What are you doing?" I interrupted.
"Toto. Africa. The eighties." You responded, having a glimpse of hope for the first time.
"Let's keep that Toto on a side for a moment and deal with our protagonist who lives in future full of high tech equipment..."
"And Toto is an old machine, abandoned and forgotten." You interrupted me.
"It can be as you wish, but Toto appeared to me as an old cell phone living in a world of futuristic gadgetry. Think of cell phones made at the end of 90s, beginning of 2000 compared to those that will be made in, let's say 2050. Toto is old, worn out, reject. He toils in the shadows of the glamorous future. He's a laughing stock..."
"An unassuming hero." You jumped in. "While the new gadgets function on fancy operating system they are prone to hacking, breaking easy when falling to the ground, system's malfunctions and short battery life. On the other side Toto is basic but sturdy and gets the job done. I see where you're going with this."
"What you need now are the antagonist and Toto's friends. Both will be very important in creating an overall environment."
"Toto's friends could be an old PC computer, radio, TV."
"These are definitely all viable candidates and you're getting right ideas. But for Toto to be a hero he must stop a catastrophe. He needs to save the world."
"Maybe, save it from a machine with artificial intelligence that wants to harm humanity or put it under it's complete control. That machine will be able to overpower operative system of all the machines in the world but the really old ones. That's where Toto and his friends come in."
"Keep in mind Toto and his friends must appeal to people, especially kids. Give me your short synopsis."
"In the future where people get highly dependent on technology and machines, a mighty AI computer overpowers all other machines to enslave humanity. However, a group of rag-tag oldies lead by a primitive cell phone Toto saves the world in the last moment."
"Okay. Cartoonish and childish but good for a five minute project that you can build on."
"And you're hundred per cent sure this will work in the meeting with execs?"
Before saying a word a picture popped up in my head. Close shot - Magnum resting on a pillow. Upbeat music starts. Camera glides over Magnum. Sledge Hammer picks it up. He flips it. Aims. His words became my words as I tried to assure a positive outcome.
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
Find more ideas for movies and TV at VillanLabs' Five Minute Projects at - 5M Projects
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